By Judy Taylor
I am reading a book called “Letters from Nazareth” by Richard Carter who is a priest at St. Martins – in-the-Fields. ‘Written in the form of spiritual letters, it reflects on themes of being at home with ourselves, with each other, with the times we are living through and with God.

In one of his letters Richard recalls and reflects upon a lecture he attended which was given by Timothy Radcliffe, a Roman Catholic priest and author of several books. At this lecture Timothy talked with great honesty about the major surgery he went through and how for many weeks after, he lay helpless linked up to tubes and pipes, and how he felt like a lump of flesh unable to do anything for himself. His senses of touch, taste, smell, sight and hearing all seemed taken away from him and he said he found it impossible to pray. He tried the Lord’s Prayer but could get no further than the first two sentences. The only prayer he could make at that point was the prayer of Samuel in the Temple, “Here I am”. Timothy talked about those simple words being enough “Here I am”. “ In the total unknown ,unable to control, to understand, to do anything. “In this nothingness I am totally yours because you are all I have. It’s a prayer that strips us right down to just us and God.” HERE I AM “ “ God is here, not promising miraculous intervention or even protection but affirming unconditional presence .HERE I AM Here is God and God is here and you are God’s.

Timothy goes on to talk about even as he recovered, for a long time he could still do nothing for himself but the nurses and doctors did their marvellous best.” My fragile sense of self was nourished by their gaze and touch, their eyes and their hands.” He came to see that his illness which had always felt like his enemy was becoming his teacher. The “Here I am” of God’s eternal presence and the recognition of his own naked self-became like an offering on the alter reciprocated by the total self-offering of Christ for him. I hope that not many of us have had or will have such a devastating experience regarding an illness. However, I have, and I’m sure many others will have experienced at times in our lives the sense of helplessness, grief and ‘is anybody there, God’ hearing me?’ If any of you were fortunate enough to hear Rev. Mark’s address last Sunday you will recall how he so honestly identified with these feelings and as we all struggle because we want answers, often there isn’t one. We cannot understand what purpose is being served here. Many years ago in my previous church of St. Mary & St. George a young mother, not a church goer but known to us through her mother, had terminal cancer and would leave behind four young children, the youngest of whom was six years old. I remember saying to our Priest Father Chris “what can God want in all of this, why, it seems so pointless” Father Chris who was just as upset as I was but in his great Yorkshire way said “I don’t know Judy love, we just have to trust and pray”. Then something extraordinary happened, a woman who we had never seen before came to the church and said she was part of a 24 hour prayer group from another church and she had this very strong sense that she must come to our church to pass on an urgent message which was that a young woman we knew of was very ill and God wanted her to know how much she was loved and that a place was prepared for her. I went to see this young mother and explained about this stranger coming to us and the message she brought. I remember her smiling and thanking me for telling her.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied

“The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson

This well-known poem which hopefully has helped people at times when they are struggling does not say that God will make things better now or in the future, but what it does say is that He is with us in the times when we need him the most even though he feels absent to us.

“Here I am” is enough, God loves us just as we are and we can draw closer to him by just being with
him, letting him “delight in us”

Psalm 18:19 states, “He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in
me.” This verse, and others like it, highlight God’s love and pleasure in His people, not just for their
actions, but for who they are as His children. God’s delight in us is a constant, rooted in His character
and love. In essence, the idea of God delighting in us is a powerful and comforting truth that
encourages us to live in the knowledge of His love and acceptance.

May that wonderful light of love shine into our hearts now and always and help us to remember that no matter what, the darkness can never overcome it.